Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 30 minutes
Serves: 2 burly humans
Difficulty: There’s some timing involved, but nothing is hard
Recommended Sides: A copy of Wizard People, Dear Reader; coffee, whiskey, and your lazy-pants.
1-2 sausage links (or breakfast sausage meat)
Some bread (preferably 2 mini-baguette rolls)
2 TSP Salt and pepper
1 TSP Chili powder
A pinch of red pepper flakes
Some vegetable oil
Ice cream (jk, unless you really want it)
Step 1: Come to Hogwarts and Become a Tater
Chop up them potatums into tiny squares and throw them into a hot pan with veggie-oil. Add salt, pepper, red pepper flakes, and chili powder. This will take a while, so while it’s cooking start everything else below. When it looks like the potatoes have about 5 minutes left, cut up half an onion and add it to the taters.
Step 2: Yer A Sausage, Harry Potter
Put your sausage in a pan and heat it up. Once it gets brown in color, maybe a little darker, you’re done. Set aside.
Step 3: Unicorns Travel in Pairs, Unicorns Are White, Unicorns like Onions, Et Cetera…
Take the other onion half and jalapeno and chop em to little strips. Throw vegetable oil in a pan on high and cook until lightly browned. Set aside.
Step 4: HP and the Sorcerer’s Eggs
Scramble the eggs with some salt and pepper. Broil the bread with some butter and set aside on plates.
Step 5: Willikers! This is Heaven.
Jam all that stuff (minus the taters) on the bread and cram it in your mouth. Warning: you will not finish this meal, as it is beyond your power. The calorie count alone is above 9000. It’s mass equals 2.5 walruses. It can run your car for 150 miles. After consumption, you might want to consider running for about a week straight, swimming instead of sleeping, and doing pull-ups instead of drinking water.
Seriously, you will not be able to finish this. It is huge and manly, and you’re puny stomach can’t handle this much raw power. I recommend sleeping off the shame of defeat and trying again in the morning (at least, that’s what we did…)