Mystery Science Kitchen 3000

Deathstalker and the Pesto from Hell

Prep Time: Too long
Cook Time: Like 25 minutes
Serves: 47 and a baby
Difficulty: Depends on your upper arm strength
Recommended Side Dishes: None, really.

Pesto Ingredients:
1 Cup pine nuts
4 Ounces basil leaves
2 Garlic cloves
1/2 Cup Parmesan cheese
1/2 Cup olive oil
Salt and pepper to taste

-The Other Ingredients-
2 Chicken breasts
Angel hair pasta
A handful of Baby Portabella mushrooms
2 more cloves of garlic
Salt and pepper
Some butter

The Pesto: An Upper Body Workout
So I thought making Pesto with a mortar and pestle would be fun and easy. But nooooo, it turns out that it takes forever, is an unwanted workout, and tastes relatively the same (well, slightly better). Anyway, here’s how you do it:

Step 1: Spend Too Much At The Grocery Store
Buy all the pricey ingredients and die a little on the inside. Then take the pine nuts and heat them over the stove for a few seconds, but take them off before they get brown. This makes them easier to mash up.

Step 2: Mash It All Together
Put a quarter of the pine nuts in the mortar and mash. Add garlic, a little of the olive oil, and mash. Add a little basil and mash. Your arms will get sore and you’ll start cursing the day you were born. Repeat until all of the ingredients are in the pestle and you’re angry enough to punch a hole in time. Oh, and don’t forget to add the Parmesan cheese, salt, and pepper.

The Chicken Pasta: Easy and Awesome

Step 1: Sauté The Mushrooms
Put a little olive oil and butter in a small pan. After the pan is hot, toss in the mushrooms and stir frequently, or do that cool flippy move to mix them up. Feel free to eat them while you go and just turn off the heat once they taste done, maybe  minutes or so. While this is happening, go ahead and start heating up the angel hair pasta (boil water, toss in noodles, and wait).

Step 2: Chicken Lickin’
Chop up the chicken breasts into small strips and throw in a pan with some olive oil and garlic. When it’s about done, throw in the mushrooms and stir.

Step 3: The F***ing Pesto
Take the pesto and banish it into the finished pasta. Stir a bit and toss the whole mess on the chicken and mushrooms. Stir again, and add more pesto if needed.

Step 4: Eat Your Sorrows Away
Eat the awesome meal with the only regret of using a mortar and pestle. Seriously, get a food processor or buy pesto. Making it this way sucks. I mean it. Don’t try this at home.

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This entry was written by rhetorock and published on February 1, 2012 at 12:00 pm. It’s filed under Recipes and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

One thought on “Deathstalker and the Pesto from Hell

  1. aubrowe on said:

    Food processor works like a charm for pesto. Less fatigue, and you can make larger amounts and freeze it!

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