Mystery Science Kitchen 3000

Elegant Eggplant Patties

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Prep Time: Like 15 min, depending on how much you’ve had to drink.
Cook Time: 20 minutes
Serves: About 4
Difficulty: Under 9000. If you can make toast, you can make this
Recommended Side Dishes: Jojo’s, green beans, mashed potatoes, beans, or anything else you would normally eat alongside a burger.
(Adapted from

4 cups peeled eggplant, finely chopped
1/2 cup water
1/2 TSP salt
1/4 cup cornflake crumbs
1/4 TSP salt
1/2 TSP onion powder
1 TSP chili powder
1/2 TBS SteakChop
1/2 TBS Italian seasoning
2 Tablespoons olive oil
1 leaf lettuce
1 slice of tomato
1-2 cloves of garlic
Hamburger buns
Some avocado
Some onion
A copy of Little Miss Sunshine

Step 1: Cut that shit up, yo!
Cut up your eggplant (small cubes), garlic (diced), onion (into slices), and tomato (into slices). Get a bowl and mix up diced garlic, steakchop, onion powder, chili powder, and cornflake crumbs. Set it aside.
Step 2: Boil stuff
Take the eggplant cubes and boil them in water with 1/2 TSP of salt. Set to medium and let it soak for about 3 minutes or until the eggplant is soft. Drain in a colander and try to squeeze out the excess water.
Step 3: Mix it up
Slap the eggplant into the bowl with the garlic, steakchop, etc, and mash together with your hands until everything is pretty evenly dispersed. Add whatever other ingredients you think will taste awesome.
Step 4: Cook it
Heat up a non-stick pan with the olive oil. Ball up the eggplant mixture into patties, and toss them on. When they get crispy golden in color, you’re done! If they are large patties, you may need to keep them on for a while longer, or else broil them for a few minutes.
Step 5: Eat it
Toss the patties onto puns, add onion, avocado, and whatever else you like on regular burgers. Afterwards you can brag to your friends about how healthy you are now.
This entry was written by rhetorock and published on January 3, 2012 at 2:55 pm. It’s filed under Recipes and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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